This Too Shall Pass

When we had Kyla I was in shock with the amount my life changed.  Looking after a little person was no easy task.  When we had Riya, I was like, “Why did I complain, having one is sooo easy compared to two.  What did I even do with all the spare time that we had?!”.  Now with Knox, I can’t believe how easy 2 actually was.  I had so much extra time!  Now looking back I feel like I could have done it all in my sleep (and realised I often did) – but now I don’t have that luxury.

I saw this on FB the other day and had to giggle – oh the things we have to look forward to!

Things are flipping hectic (no use in sugar coating it) and everyone is adjusting (or not adjusting) in their own ways…

Knox is probably adjusting the best by eating, sleeping, growing, pooping and farting pretty wonderfully.  I really can’t complain in any way about how the little man is doing.  He is so good.  He puts up with his sisters issues of constantly touching him, knocking him accidentally and having them screaming in his ear, so much so that when they aren’t here I have to put on the radio or the TV just so that he has some background noise to “relax” to.

Riya is having a little more trouble.  Although she loves her brother, is constantly aware of him and what he is doing, she will often get inordinately upset that her shoe is missing or other issues of non importance.  The choice of putting on a “panty nappy” or a “normal nappy” had her lying on the floor screaming her head off for a full 10 minutes.  Saying that she is not coping well, is putting is mildly.  The “tantrums” are frequent, at least one or two everyday, resulting in her being in such a state she starts twitching.  It is very scary to watch, especially seeing how quickly it goes from Ok to explosion and just to see my little girl so upset and not being able to articulate it all.

Kyla has become very sweet, listening to me and sitting with me to have little chats…  For about 10 minutes a day.  The rest of the day she will be constantly attached to my leg or Knox’s hand, talking in a weird new baby voice/language or just not listen to a thing I say.  Everything I ask I have to ask 10 times.  She won’t even let me have “alone time” with her because she will just ignore me (hence the picture of the back of her head – it’s what I see most often these days).  I find this the hardest thing to deal with.  Where is the line between her “adjusting” and her just being flipping naughty?!

Seth is working fairly long hours each day in a job that requires a lot of brain power and is often quite stressful, then he gets home to the chaos that is our new life together.  It’s hectic.  And so he is understandably tired.  Tired often means that reactions to the girls new coping mechanisms is not as sympathetic as they could be.

Me?  Well I go from being totally in control and able to deal with all these new changes, to breaking down in tears (all to often in front of the girls) or being so irritated that sometimes I have to remove myself from their presence for a while before I react in a way that I shouldn’t.  It’s not easy.  Especially is Knox has been particularly hungry the night before and I’m suffering with a serious lack of sleep, that’s always the worst.

So it’s been quite a heavy 4 weeks in our house.  But there are some ways that I have found to make the adjusting easier:

  • Spending time with the girls when and where I can (or when they let me).  Making it a fun time, playing games or chatting or cuddling.
  • Getting as much sleep as possible.  This one is hard especially because I am the only one responsible for dealing with the night wakings to feed him.  But sleeping earlier in the evenings and not killing your kids is better than staying up late just to watch TV with your spouse.
  • Riya’s issues are hard to deal with and after trying a few things, including but not limited to losing my patience, disciplining her for being naughty and trying to cuddle her, I have found that just sitting quietly next to her helps.  She will eventually stop and come to me for cuddles and we move on.
  • Taking a long shower or blogging when I get the chance, helps to put me in a better state of mind and calms everything down.
  • Sending the girls to Ga like they used to do before Knox was born.  They get the attention that they crave which helps in the afternoons.
  • Taking the girls to play dates where they get a chance to get out and be with their friends also helps, especially because they are being entertained by someone other than me but they don’t notice that I am not with them and I can give Knox a little bit more attention.
  • Praying for patience to effectively deal with all of these things.

If you have any other tips that you think may help, please feel free to share them.

4 thoughts on “This Too Shall Pass

  1. If Riya is struggling to articulate her feelings, you can help her with this. When she is in a rage, calmly giving her words for her feelings helps immensely! ‘I can see you are feeling very cross Riya…Sometimes it must make you a little sad when Mummy has to do so much work with Knox and you really want to play..’ and so on and so forth. I am sure you have done this, but reassure her that your love for her has not changed.
    Its not easy, sometimes it feels really wierd actually, breaking down feelings to something really simplistic like the above…we forget that they dont have the words like we do, in fact that may not have really felt the emotions they are feeling now. You can back this up by saying sometimes Daddy has to work lots too and mummy also gets sad because she wants to ‘play/be with him’ – she will be able to identify with you and she might surprise you by telling you exactly what is making her angry, albeit very simplistically.

    And yes, you are right…this too shall pass! You are doing a great job and I can see how much you want each of your babies to know they are loved..considering the amount of people you are stretched between, your ability to pinpoint the aspects where each little person is affected, even in your sleep deprived state…is a sign of a Mommy who is doing a really good job!!!

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