I’m not going to lie, it’s been a rough couple of weeks. I am thinking that it must just be preggy hormones going ballistic, but flip. I am really struggling to not hate being a responsible adult. It’s so difficult.
I think part of it is that I just feel absolutely useless at the moment. I can’t help out as much as I want to, so I feel like I’m failing on the “Mom” side and the “Wife” side, but when I try and pitch in doing things I end up stuck in bed for a whole day. Add to that extreme hormones, and living with me is very difficult. We often have a wonderful water feature in our home – it’s living in a massive, pregnant lady.
I often look at other people and think to myself, “Self, I totally wish I was that person over there with the children that sleep all night in their own bed, or that couple that get to go away all the time because they are childless for now, or even that other person, because they are so pretty or have everything in their lives “sorted”.” It’s stupid really, but I just can’t help it.
Sometimes I look at my life and where I am in just 25 years and I’m proud. Other times I look at it and not regret it, but just wish it took a little bit longer to happen. Seth and I started dating when I was just 16, we were engaged at 19 and got married at 20. We committed to a flat, 2 puppies and then a house (which included building a house for my parents to live on at the back of the house) at 21. Welcomed Kyla into the world at 22, Riya at 23, became a partner at 24 and now we are about to welcome our new baby boy into the world at 25… Never mind getting the girls into school (which by the way didn’t happen as I so excitedly posted on FB, the search continues), our social commitments and just even spending time with my man. Please don’t think I am in anyway bragging right here. I want to fully explain the extent of the list of commitments that just keep coming and how I feel like I may finally be crumbling under the weight of them all.
It’s hectic being the person that has to deal with all of that. I often feel like I am not the right person. They should have chosen someone else. Sometimes I feel like I have to put on an act to get through it – for work especially. I feel like I am too “nice” to effectively manage our staff and make sure that everyone is doing what they are supposed to.
I don’t know where this post is going really, except that writing it out always helps me process it all a bit better. I don’t think I would change anything because I love all of these facets of my life, I just wish they didn’t all require so much from me.
And these 2 right here… They make it all worthwhile! (Oh, and Seth too – of course)