The Great Debate…


In our house we are nearly always discussing this topic, often just after we finally plop into bed after a hectic evening with the girls, or when they are both going crazy/sick at once, or when we are out buying nappies or the like.   The Great Debate in our house at the moment (actually for a while now, as I wrote this about 2 months ago) is… I’m almost afraid to say it…  Ok…  Whether we should stick to just 2 kids or go for the 4 that we have always talked about…  I know, I know…  How can I think about this so soon after just having had another baby (Riya is only 7 months).

Although I have come from a small family of just 2 kids, I have always dreamed about having a big family.  I wished (and often still wish) that I had a sister and not only a brother (even though I sometimes dressed him up like a sister when he was young enough to be ignorant about it).  It’s so silly, but I would really dig to have 2 girls and 2 boys, that way each has a brother and a sister.  Although ultimately the Lord decides what we will have.  I am looking forward to the bonds that you will be able to make with each unique child and how those unique traits will make an interesting (and probably hectic) family life.

I like to plan things.  I want to know how we need to spend our money, how much to save etc etc.  But most importantly and so much more shallowly (yes that’s a word) I want to know if I should bother “getting my body back” now or rather waiting till the abuse to it is completely finished.  Pregnancy took a major toll on my body, besides being so ridiculously sick all the time with Riya, I have all the other aftermath effects that go with pregnancy (which I won’t go into detail about).  I know it’s lame and that most people suffer with some of these things and live with it problem free, but I just can’t be happy this way.  Right now you are probably thinking that I am the most self centred loser that you have ever come across, but seriously am I the only person that feels this way post-baby?!?  I don’t think that it is completely wrong to want to feel attractive, for myself and therefore for Seth.  Obviously it can be a major stumbling block/idol and I know that I need to constantly keep that in check, although I often fail miserably.

Anyway, I digress.

Some of my other motivating factors on the side of “Stick With 2” are:

* How the heck can we afford 4?  That’s always the first thing that people say when they hear that we aren’t “done” having kids.  To school them, feed them, clothe them, transport them to various activities, pay for the involvement in those activities and so much more…  Like if we have 4 girls – that’s 4, FOUR, weddings!!!  Not to mention the 4 matric dances and various other situations that they may find themselves in that require expensive dresses and other things that go with it.  Although girls always want lots of clothes anyway!  But boys are expensive too, they break windows and want sport equipment and cars etc.

* Can we even handle more?  I often find myself struggling with just the 2.  I know they are crazy close together and that is a big factor, but being that that is all that I have experienced, it’s hard to see past that.  Also I doubt very much if we could abuse the kindness that Colleen (Seth’s mom) has showed us by giving her 2 more kids to look after every day although the older 2 will be at Play School for the mornings.

* Space!  We only have a 3 bedroomed house, so we would have to make them share (like the girls already are) and possibly build on or move…  Then there’s the car…  The Clio really isn’t even big enough for the 4 of us at the moment…

Some of the motivating factors on the side of “Let’s Go For 4” are:

* I’ve always wanted to…  And that’s a valid reason.

* Although it’s a lot of hard work and money etc etc, it’s so amazingly worth it!

I would love to hear from Mom’s with more than 2 kiddo’s.  Any advice/opinions/thoughts you could give would be awesome.

My feelings

I will be the first to say that Cindys feelings about her body are ridiculous, and I will leave it there because I don’t want to gross people out about what I think.

I honestly feel like I can handle  another 2. If its a real yearning and Gods chooses to bless us with 2 more, we shouldn’t worry. I know thats easy to say, but its true. In every situation we have ever faced the Lord has provided, maybe not always in abundance, but always perfectly enough.  So I have no doubt that if we pray about it and seek the Lords will, that we will look back at this blog whenever and be amazed at what God has done. Be it if we stick with 2 or have 10.

6 thoughts on “The Great Debate…

  1. Hi guys. Since you asked and I have 4 I thought I’d answer :-). I tend to agree with Seth. That’s not to say that it won’t be hard and that it will potentially mean less opportunities for your kids in the way of extra murals etc as money needs to spread further. But the benefits that come from family relationships are huge and worth it.

    Also, something that many moms and dads don’t realise is that having just two little ones is often the hardest time parenting wise. It was in my case. I found just two under two/three years infinitely more exhausting than having two under three years but also having two older kids too. By the time Micah, our fourth, came along, it felt so much easier. And he was my most difficult baby by a long shot! having the big kids around to help out and entertain siblings

  2. Oops got cut off there … Meant that having older siblings around to help out and play with their siblings is a huge help and makes it so much easier. Of course, it’s noisier, more expensive, more washing and yes, more pregnancies to get back into shape afterwards, but it’s absolutely worth it. When I look at our four and see the fun we have and watch their interaction and the life lessons that happen between them, I feel great joy and thankfulness for this great blessing!

  3. Hey guys

    So obviously I’m not a mom but I do come from a family or four children. It is awesome, we are very close. Growing up, we had (and i’m only using the past tense because we’re living separately now) an amazing dynamic going and it was tremendous fun. I liked having a big brother to look up to , a big sister to annoy and a younger brother to play with. The age gap between the youngest and oldest is 9 years but it didn’t stop the good times from rolling. And later the roles change and ideologies shift as we each grow into individuals, but the love and the bond remains. And ultimately that’s what matters. A big family (given great parents) is going to yield a LOT of happiness.

    The money thing is important, if you can handle it financially then I say go for it but you want to provide the best for your children, in education and other areas. The advise I can give from my parent’s experience is they had two babies in rapid succession (there’s a year between my older brother and sister). They then got a handle on things, my mother went to varsity for the first time in her life and got a degree to be a teacher and my dad did a course and went from being a teacher to being a lecturer at a technikon. 5 years after the birth of my sister they had me… my mom was 36 at the time… and they had my younger brother 2 years later. And she’s in great shape for a 62 year old, still gyming 4 days a week.

    I guess what I’m saying is, God willing, you guys have a lot of life left to live. If money’s no object there’s nothing stopping you, go for it right now….. but if it is, maybe you should take 3-5 years to focus on your careers, saving for the children you have’s education, and getting into a position where you are ready for the next two. It would be so worth it.

    Just my 5c.

    W

  4. You’re making me broody.

    Body-wise. I’m in better shape after my fourth than after my first. Also, because you’ll have more kids is not an excuse to not keep fit. In fact, it’s reason to keep fit. Labour, birthing and recovery are much quicker if you keep fit during (and between) pregnancies.

    I agree with Taryn (and Seth) on the topics they responded to.

    And the last thing I will say is(and I’m speaking to myself here too), we don’t know the future. But we know that God is sovereign. When we look back we always see His work even (or especially) in the tough times.

    Ok, maybe one more thing. (Sorry… we’re working this out as we’re deciding on more too). Children are in His design and not a result of the fall.

    I will now restrain myself from another one-more-thing.

  5. i’m with Seth and Taryn – although I have to keep telling Chris that I’d like a decent gap between Elijah and the next one. Ultimately, God is the provider of all things, so if you have 4 or 5 or 10 kids, He blesses you with them, so He will provide. Its a heart thing. Even now, we have to rely on God daily for provision, with one salary and all. We had to rely on Him to bless us with this one child, and He did, so I believe that no matter what He will always provide for those who put their faith in Him.

  6. Thanks for everyone that commented! I really appreciate the comments and for reminding me who is ultimately in control. I think that we will probably populate the world with a couple more gorgeous Alfino kid’s – but only in a couple years.

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